Seedless Champagne Grapes and Suicide

Posted: August 30, 2024 | Author: David | Filed under: Chronicles of a First Time Parent | Tags: mental health, Teen suicide |2 Comments

Recently a friend left home grown blackberries on our porch.  To another neighbor, that day, I delivered home grown peaches and wild seedless champagne grapes.  Life in South Portland would seem idyllic.  

Year-to-date in Sopo there have been zero murders but there have been, to my knowledge, 5 suicides and 1 attempted suicide: 3 were school-aged youths; 2 were parents of children, whom my daughter oversaw as a Rec Camp Counselor; 1 was my daughter’s age-group peer, whose suicide attempt failed.  

February: a 19-year old, recent graduate of the local high school, a counselor in the elementary afterschool program, worked his Friday shift, then drove south to Portsmouth, New Hampshire.  As Aurora pulled dusk across the sky, in his truck he sat, sent a final text to his family, then reached for his newly purchased shotgun.  

April: a boy named Angel, age 16, a straight-A student at the high school, “an independent young man who enjoyed his job at Burger King” rode his bike into the woods.  His phone was left on the ground, but kept transmitting via Snapchat’s location app.  My daughter, his classmate, was aware of this, as were all her peers, and told us that he had gone missing.  A dark night followed, when come morning we learned this young boy had left his bike and phone and taken a rope deeper into the woods.  

June: Two children, both age 8, campers at the South Portland Summer Rec Camp had lives ripped by suicide.  One girl’s mother committed suicide while another’s uncle took his life.

July:  A young boy, age 18, who worked as a Summer Rec Camp Counselor, attempted but failed, to take his life.  For one week he was in Maine Medical Hospital.  

August:  A 14-year old eighth-grade graduate, with “striking blue-green eyes and charming grin [that] made everyone melt,” #6 on the South Portland Little League Majors team, MVP of our All Stars, he took his life.  His brothers’, Mother and Father’s lives ripped now asunder.  

We gathered this evening at his “celebration of life” where our collective grief and despair mocked the word “celebration.”  Social conventions keep not up-to-date with the epidemic in these times.  

His classmates, young boys, were well dressed, as though waiting for school pictures, some wore their athletic jerseys.  The photos on display were those of a toddler and elementary school student, so brief was his life.  

The line was long and snaked around the Funeral Home, hundred’s having turned out in his memory, all of us stunned, grasping for air.  Like Dante’s “9 Circles of Hell” we wound closer into the building, then entered the parlor where the pine casket was closed.  Deepest into the void, we stood in a cratering emptiness.  

We are bereft.  There are no words, no answers, so many unanswered questions.  Repeatedly now we have come together in these most searing of “celebrations.”  

In talking with neighbors, the usual suspects of cause are technology and social media.  Statistics support that, but pandora’s box having been opened, we cannot go back again to an earlier easier time.  My wife and I, instead, have been talking about emotional intelligence and mental health.  

Mental Health America defines Emotional Intelligence as “…the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you. There are five key elements to EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.”  This definition seems clear and cogent.  

To the CDC, “Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make healthy choices.”  To my mind, this definition is vague and leaves me wanting.  

The Superintendent of South Portland Schools wrote to me, “in short order we must pivot to broader community work. On the district side, these efforts will be led by our new Director of Mental and Behavioral Health who will start on September 9.”  

While standing in line at the celebration, we spoke with Lee Anne Dodge, the soul-affirming Director of SOPO Unite, a high-school based “coalition bringing together all sectors of the community–parents, school staff, police, healthcare, businesses, youth serving organizations, civic organizations and faith based organizations….and promote resilience in our community.”  Lee Anne told us that she will meet this week with the CDC to discuss how to broaden their response to community needs.  

Andrew Forsthoefel, the Restorative Practices Systems Specialist of Cumberland County, leads a circle of parents meeting to listen and give voice, coming together to navigate these challenging times.  I have reached out to him and our dialogue will deepen into the fall.  

We the people.  For better or worse.  Until death do us part.

It is my hope that we can weave a new narrative of outreach and empathy, forming circles of hope, to support and save our children, while this black plague of suicide ravages our communities.  

Indeed, now the only way out is through.

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