No Room at the Inn

Our Art Farm resembles Noah’s Ark: two adults, two children, two rescue cats, and two rescue dogs all live here.  Recently a Mother Raccoon moved into the ceiling above our porch, and with four kits, that became too much.  

Her tenacity was remarkable.  To gain access she gnawed through the fascia boards and the asphalt shingles.  Last autumn I tried to discourage her by covering the access points with lead flashing, but she persisted and then chewed through the ceiling boards and more shingles.  Neighbors stopped to tell me about our four-footed squatter.  She would lean against the asphalt shingles, stare at my son through his bedroom window, like Mae West daring him to come and get her.  I knew we had a problem but it rose to a climax when, at 3:30am last Thursday, our pitbull puppy needed to go out and, given the commotion above, refused to come back inside. 

Our pitbull puppy is an animal of the most remarkable agility and athleticism.  To see her on the prowl is to marvel at the animal kingdom.  Pitbulls get a bad rap, but intensely loyal and loving to their owner, they are descended from the Mollossian hounds, the ancient dogs of war.  The Greek kingdom of Epirus trained the hounds for war and herding.  Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar,” Marc Anthony’s line, “Cry havoc, let slip the dogs of war” is historically accurate.  In Greek mythology, the goddess Artemis gave to Procris a dog that never failed to catch its prey.  In the predawn light our puppy exhibited her heritage, racing across our front porch and back yard in search of her prey.  

Our puppy was rescued from the streets of Webster Parish in Louisiana, and is 60% Pitbull, 27% Rottweiler, and 13% “Supermutt.”  The Rottweiler breed evolved when the German barbarians bred sheep dogs with the mastiff-type dogs used by the Roman army on its military campaign through ancient Europe in the 1st century AD.   Our loyal puppy is of Greco-Roman descent, proud to protect us at all hours of the day and night. 

By mid-morning I began to rip out the ceiling boards.  They were in quite bad shape and needed either to be repainted or removed.  In fact, we plan to remove the entire front porch – it is not original to the house – so my task was both a step in that direction as well as a means to encourage the raccoons to move out.  

The job was messy.  Our puppy stayed inside while I laid out a tarp to catch the debris and the paint chips, which most likely were lead paint.  I wore a mask and detritus rained down upon me.  Animals have been living in that space for many years.  Decades ago, word must have gotten around the town.   Pre-covid, House Sparrows made their home there.  It was awful.  There in the corner cowered a raccoon.  I stayed clear, and continued removing other boards.  I needed to open up the entire front section of the porch ceiling.  

I reached out to an animal rescue service, and the news became bad.  Raccoons carry several parasites, including roundworm.   A cornered mother can be vicious.  No one was available to come trap and remove them, so the plan was to let them make their exit on their own time.  Eventually the kits scurried about on the beams overhead.  While their Mother went off in search of a new home, our puppy could hear the kits crying on the porch and stirred up great havoc, inside our house.  Our puppy’s true nature was on full display.  She could not be let out into the yard.    

Throughout the afternoon the Mother worked her magic, carrying the kits – no longer so small – one-at-a-time by the scruff of their necks down our lilac bushes.  We do not know where she went.  One kit remained, and wailed for mama, but eventually Mama returned and then quiet filled the air.  Later that evening, I took our puppy on a leash out into the backyard.  She sniffed the air, and looked all around, even overhead, but nothing was turned up.  

Quiet has returned to our front porch.  My 4:00 am outings are less agitated.  The Mother and kits have moved on.  We wish them well and meant no harm, but there simply was no room at our inn.